Aaj Ki Taaza Khabar!

Namashkar! Aaj ke bulletin me aapka swagat hai. Hum aapko batayenge aaj ek sansanikhez raaz!

Iska dil kahin nazar aa raha hai?

1.Kya aliens chura rahe hai aapki gaaye (cows)? Kya prithvi se door koi peeta hai doodh?

2.Dhoni ka 12 inch dilwayega India ko world cup! Dhoni ka asli pyaar hai doodh aur ande!

3. Bhagwan ke liye dekhiye T.V! America me music video par macha bawal.

4.Mumbai bomb dhamako me  kabootaro (pigeons) par granade ka keher.

Before you make any assumptions, I`m sure you`d heard these lines before, I must clarify that these quotes, rather headlines, have graced the T.V screens of millions of homes across India, thanks to the ‘Desi-Media’. With the advent of globalization, modernization and the incoming of the landslide down the slope of mass media and the internet, none can blame the media for trying numerous and varied antics for becoming numero-uno in the present rat race of the umpteen news channels who put on show in full gore.

And what better antics than to just ‘spice things up’?

Mass communication and journalism is the hottest cake now. And the ‘desi media’ have just opened a nayi naveli dukaan to wholesale it out of proportions. Sensationalism is the stallion that is driving the ‘desi-media`s’ band-wagon these days. It`s just the horse power that is different in different channels.

Here`s a fun activity. Say, you need to stay awake for sometime past midnight to finish off your work, but you are feeling sleepy already. Well, wait for the gong of the clock in your grandpa`s room strike 12. Grab the remote control of your T.V and tune it to…INDIA TV!

Presto! You magically see people awake on the channel and even manage to spot the guy looking like a copy of a bald Mogambo with a long vermillion teeka on his forehead. And if you wait for a bit more, you`ll find out his grandpa too ( :p ) – some witch doctor clad in a shabby, all black gown with a  caveman beard and a tone like that of the footpath-fortune tellers when they try to brainwash their customers.

Bhaago bhaago! Bhoot aya!

It`s guaranteed to have two outcomes. (1) You`ll get a shock and/or scared of the lunatic on the screen in nothing but a black robe talking of ghosts and spirits in the midnight and how the planets conspire to wreak doom on you  if you don’t pay heed to them. Combine them with the background musical of frogs croaking and the noise made by the crickets in the night and poof…you`ll be wide awake!  (2) In case it`s not your first time watching those guys, You`ll laugh you guts out and roll on the floor. Now you`ve lost sleep!

I thought superstitions and omens had become of lesser importance to the aam-aadmi as he tried to get himself educated. What I realized was that watching these types of channels, superstitions and omens have gained a greater euphoria with the aam-aadmi, when he tried to get a little bit more educated and keep himself more ‘informed’, thanks to these newsmongers.

That`s not all. Some of us, if not all, are irritated to the extremes of the ways they serve the news on the platter. Try remembering the annoying male voice which tries to describe the content of news in the making. There might not even be an event worth reporting, but they would make a mountain of a molehill. You might get an idea of what I am talking about when I tell you this.

The news to be given- ‘delhi  ke 1 ghar me mili 1 laash. Inevstigation ke mutabik khooni ka pata lagaya jaa raha hai.’

But… the saga unfolds as-

Hila dene wala video matlab???

‘Fir dehel uthi aaj delhi’

Desh ki rajdhani pe fir giri bijli.

Maut ke aatank se dare hue hai dilliwasi.

Delhi ke 1 yuvak ki hatya se dehel utha delhiwaalo ka dil.

Hum kar rahe hai jurm ka parda-faash!

Hum aapko batayenge 1 sansanikhez khabar jisse kaamp uthegi aapki rooh…khade ho jayenge aapke rongte!

Then after 55 minutes of this nonsense melodrama including the commercials, they oblige the viewers by saying:

‘Humara  shaq hai ki yahi aadmi hai is hatya ke pichhe ka vehshi darinda par abhi kuchh kehna mushkil hai. Janne ke liye dekhte rahiye humara news channel!’

And only god knows how many people on this peninsula might have said ‘Iski maa ka @#$%! Inko abhi tak shaq hi hai?!’  in unison at that moment.

Well, the other news channels are no less and they sure know how to outdo each other. To tell the truth I read the papers for the info but watch these hilarious news channels just for the sake of fun. But you certainly can`t avoid them outright because they all have become ‘sabse tez’ in delivering the info right when you need it.

Even our PM has said this and I quote, “…An atmosphere has been created in the country - and this I say with all humility – the role of the media today in many cases has become that of the accuser, the prosecutor and the judge”. The media has infringed, infiltrated and invaded all possible spheres of occupations, privacy of the people and all impenetrable places on the planet.

Par yaar! Kuchh bhi karo…Plz INDIA TV pe uss content reader ko koi goli se uda do! Haddh hai yaar! Matlab…kaise bhi…kuchh bhi bakwas!?

Jai hind.